I was thinking about Time.
And then I was thinking about the phrase ‘Spending Time.’
I was actually thinking about how I wasn’t getting done what I wanted to get done – or rather, ‘finished,’ right? Because, as my father would say, ‘I am not a roast.’
I’ve been noticing a couple of things…
My friend would say ‘observing…’
But I noticed or observed that I mold my time to fit with my husband’s needs. If he is free and wants to spend time together, I stop what I’m doing or postpone my goals in order to make myself available.
That is not entirely a bad thing. My relationship with my husband is my top priority really.
And his schedule is very erratic.
And he has consented to single-handedly take on the challenge of ‘Us,’ while I deal with ‘Me’ (See Blog Post #7).
The Long Story long is that I spend a lot of time watching TV.
Not an uninvestigated topic (See Blog Posts #16 & 17).
It has in fact become one of the primary things my husband and I do ‘together.’ And chalk that up to binge watching or Game of Thrones or Top Chef or Bill Mahrer but nevertheless at the end of a long and arduous day where we are running eleven different ways as is the lone-wolf-check-your-texts-and-emails-never-know-where-your-next-job-is-coming-from life of the artist, chilling out to watch something good with a cocktail, a good meal, and someone you adore is a great way to end the rat race.
(There’s several topics in there that could or could not be red flags but….)
I was talking about spending time.
When I am alone, which is often in the evening, I will watch my ‘programs,’ as my Great Aunt Evelyn used to say. Give me a good ‘ol PBS/Masterpiece/ British detective story any ‘ol day – The Collection, The Durrells of Corfu, Granchester. Okay, Poldark is a little late-18th-century-soapy but…these are not the programs I watch with my husband.
However, when the DVR’s weekly episode is through, there are the nights I surf. There are the nights I watch great movies I’ve already seen before. There are the nights I watch crap.
Spending. That’s like money. We spend money. We exchange money for goods that we either desire or need. And when it runs out, we make some more and we have more to spend to buy more things. We restock, re-up, replenish, the money. Then we spend again.
Time doesn’t replenish Time doesn’t re-up. Time moves forward. Or rather we move forward and we leave that time behind.
“Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’, ….”
Our ‘Time’ is really our ‘Life.’
The time of our life.
“I hope you had the time of your life.” *
I hope you spent your time well.
Geez. It really is astonishing how almost anything can be summed up in song lyrics.
We are spending our Life when we do a thing.
Life that cannot be re-upped.
And so I thought it makes sense I would want to spend my life – my time – on something I desire or need. And certainly I spend plenty of my life on what I need – eating, sleeping, walking dogs, feeding dogs, making a living, …
Spending my time on what I desire. Spending my life on what I desire.
If we work 40 hours a week and maybe we do and maybe we don’t but if we leave that as an average and consider that number ’40’ might also include driving to the workplace or getting ready to go to work or whatever…
And if we sleep 8 hours a night and maybe we do and maybe we don’t but if we leave that as an average and consider that number which is 56 (8hrs X 7 days) might also include getting ready for bed, toilette, closing up the house, peeing the dogs, peeing the kids…
That’s 96 hours.
If a day is 24 hours then those 96 are approximately 4 days if we round everything up to 100.
That leaves us 3 days a week.
12 days a month.
144 days a year which sounds a little bit better.
To do everything else ….
My relationship with my husband remains my priority. He is wonderful to spend my life on. A Magnificent Investment.
I will be spending my life – my time – during more of my evenings alone, on things that give something back to me. Just as I spend my money on something I desire or need.
‘If I spend my time – my life – this way, will it make me feel good? will it replenish me? will it please me? will it bring me satisfaction, completion, joy?’
Not grandiose, necessarily. Not Earth-shattering, although that’s okay too.
It’s not judgmental.
It’s good business.
My Life should be worth Something.
*For the neophytes who think Green Day coined that phrase, there is an exceptional, Pulitzer-Prize-winning, play by William Saroyan called The Time Of Your Life. (I have alwasy wanted to direct it and in my production I would have my friend Colleen tap dance.) If you want to really understand what I’m thinking about, read that. I’m pretty sure Billie Joe Armstrong did. Either that or he dreamt it.